Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Time Flies and Life is Too Short

Where does the time go??? How is it that the days pass by so quickly? It amazes me how fast time flies and there is just not enough time in each day to do all the things I want to do.

If you re-read that last sentence you will see something - I said - there is not enough time to do all the things I WANT to do... and really there is not enough time to do all the things I should do because quite often I am too busy doing things I want to do and not what I should do. Life is too short to clean and so I more often than not choose to knit instead of doing what I should. But lately I'm looking around the house and thinking I should set the needles down and do some cleaning... stay tuned to see if it happens because you certainly will not be invited over to see!

Yesterday was five years since my mom went to sleep.. How is it that it's been five years? I feel for my dad who loved my mom so much... after over 50 years together how do you go on without your soul mate? I can't imagine my life with out my OAO and it hasn't even been 20 years yet...

I miss my mom. I wish that she had lived long enough to see me knit. I think she would have liked that. I wish that she had been around to see daughter #1 get married last year... and I wish that she was around so I could call her when I worry about my son in law's health... I can't say my mom was great at giving advice - and our relationship was always just a little more "strained" than not... but I really learned to forgive her as she battled cancer - especially during the last week when she was there but not... and my heart broke more than I ever think it ever has. I watched her slowly dying and knew that so many words would never, ever be said and that's what was so horrible... I would never be able to make peace with her - the alive her. It's taken me five years to not think of her dying every time I think of her - I now think of her when she was alive - and that is a very good thing - to think of the alive mom, the mom who always did what she should have done, not what she wanted to do... That is definatley one way that we are not alike at all. While she always chose to clean, I will always choose to knit! I wonder - if she had to do it all again if she would have taken more time to do the things she wanted to do instead of the things she should have done... but I have a feeling she would say - I wanted to clean, that's what I enjoyed! And that makes me shake my head and smile and miss my mom.

1 comment:

dacg said...

I think I read your blog before but am not sure??? In March it will be 3 yrs that I lost my Mom, the 1st day of Spring. It was quite the struggle for her. I also wish she were here as I remember Mom tatting when I was young. I miss her too.

I no longer clean as I knit & blog.....